Script ready to launch Taimur Ali Khan Pataudi, says Karan Johar

Even as the Bollywood couple Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor welcomed their new-born Taimur Ali Khan Pataudi, renowned filmmaker Karan Johar has already announced new projects featuring the future hero.

Having a reputation of launching star kids, Johar is very eager to sign baby Taimur for a movie he plans to release in 2037. The director has in fact kept a few drafts for a romantic story ready which he plans to show to Taimur on his 20th birthday.

But there is one thing that is bothering the filmmaker. Whom to cast opposite Taimur? The Koffee With Karan host is hoping that some star couple gives birth to a baby girl who can be signed for the future project.

One source close to Karan Johar told our reporter, “Karan is right now working hard on different names for Taimur’s role like Raj, Rahul, Rohit, etc. Getting script, supporting cast, music director and other things is easy. What’s difficult is to get star kids who can be launched swiftly in making super hit movies”.

Johar’s plans don’t begin and end with a movie for Taimur. The filmmaker has even planned promotional activities for the project. According to the source, Taimur and the female lead will first appear on Koffee With Karan to promote their movie.

“See, they may be star kids but they’re still kids at the end of the day. Everyone needs a godfather in this industry and who better than Karan to show them the right path?” the source told our reporter.

When Taimur’s birth became news, Johar didn’t waste any time in rushing to the hospital. According to sources, the filmmaker succeeded in booking the future dates of the Saif-Kareena son.

Minutes after congratulating Saif, the Ae Dil Hai Mushkil director discussed various scripts for Taimur with the father. “A star is born,” Johar exclaimed as he emerged from the hospital with a wide smile.

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BJP to invite Kejriwal for all family weddings

Frustrated by the Delhi Chief Minister Arvind Kejriwal’s allegations over the marriage funding of a BJP MP’s son’s wedding, the party has unanimously decided to invite the AAP leader to all their family weddings.

“To put all present and future allegations by Mr. Kejriwal to rest, the BJP has collectively decided to invite him for all the weddings in their families that may happen in future,” a BJP spokesperson said in a press conference. “That way, he can personally inspect the expenses of our weddings than make baseless allegations in retrospect.”

Kejriwal, according to reports, has so far received at least a dozen invitations to weddings in various BJP leaders’ families.

The AAP leader has not confirmed if he will attend all the BJP nuptials. But he did offer one comment. “Instead of printing new currency notes, the BJP is keen only in printing their wedding cards. Whose money are they using in doing so? The CBI must probe each and every card the BJP prints.”

Sources close to the AAP revealed Kejriwal will surely attend the weddings of top BJP leaders’ kin.

“Arvind plans not to attend their weddings but instead raid them,” said an AAP leader on a condition of anonymity. “He will be well equipped with a hidden spy cam and a voice recorder. It will be like sting operations that we encourage people to do.”

The BJP too meanwhile plans to be well prepared for Kejriwal. Each counter in the wedding – buffet, drinks, desserts – would be guarded by cops. The moment Kejriwal breaks into protest of any kind, he will be immediately arrested, said a source close to the BJP.

Kejriwal didn’t confirm which wedding he intends to attend first as according to the AAP source he is right now busy probing each expensive-looking wedding invitation card that he has received. He intends to calculate the total cost of printing them. And also the source of their funding.

People in cities other than Delhi spray Fog deo all over to get media attention

Desperate to get media attention over the rising pollution levels in their cities, citizens in urban areas like Patna, Gwalior Allahabad and Raipur are spraying Fog deo all over in hope that someone will pay close attention to their woes as well.

“We have been watching a non-stop coverage of the unprecedented pollution levels in the national capital for a few weeks now. But meanwhile, we realised we don’t live in Delhi and our cities are polluted too,” said a Patna citizen coughing but not giving up before completing the sentence.

A person who regularly travels to Gwalior was not optimistic that spraying deodorant all over the city will get the media attention. But he saw a silver lining in the artificial cloud. “I hate visiting Gwalior because my in-laws stay there. But the Fog deo now sprayed all over gives the city a new odour and I like it. There you go, finally, a good reason for me to visit my wife’s city.”

The people of Allahabad too have been shocked as the ‘city of prime ministers’ has been neglected by the media when it comes to air pollution. “The only time our city and the state get an eyeball is when there is infighting in the family party that rules us. When will the media realise that the pollution in UP too is going UP?”

A dejected Raipur citizen said one day he hopes his city too is placed on the pollution map of the country. “One day, I wish to see a special broadcast on prime-time news shows on the pollution levels in my city.”

When asked what else was happening in the city apart from air contamination, the person replied, “Bas, Fog hi chal raha hai. (Duh! The Fog is in the air.)”

Arnab quits: Incredible smoke seen outside NDTV office, bursting of firecrackers suspected

An incredible smoke haze was seen by observers over the NDTV office on Tuesday which they claimed to be because of firecrackers.

One onlooker claimed he also heard loud firecrackers-like noise near the NDTV office area followed by fumes curling up to form a V-sign.

Experts say it will be difficult to ascertain what was the source of the emission. A leading pollution expert opined, “These days such peculiar fumes can be due to firecrackers during the Diwali season or because of pure human emotions giving rise to intense celebrations, revelry, etc.”

This incident, according to the onlooker, happened on Tuesday evening, minutes after the news of journalist Arnab Goswami quitting Times Now started surfacing.

The UnReal Times could not verify whether the two events were correlated as the onlooker tried to imply.

A few onlookers however insisted the fumes could be a smokescreen to hide some kind of celebrations inside the office. The UnReal Times could not even verify whether there was pun intended in this claim.

Similar incidents of smoke over other media houses were reported too.

Outside the CNN IBN office, one could see similar fumes rising, triggering alarm bells among onlookers. Again, firecrackers could have been behind the smoke, according to the observers.

Outside the India Today office, not only was smoke seen rising in the air but a grey-haired man was seen enthusiastically distributing sweets among strangers.

When asked, what was he celebrating the man replied, “Should we celebrate Diwali only during Diwali? Why not a day later? Does that mean we have become anti-national?”

When asked if the celebration had anything to do with the Arnab Goswami resignation, the man replied with a grin, “Shubhratri. Good night!”

Strangely, outside the Times Now office, no smoke was detected.

Raj Thackeray to now decide from where India should buy onions

After successfully resolving the Ae Dil Hai Mushkil row, the Maharashtra Navnirman Sena chief Raj Thackeray will now take a call for India on the import of onions.

The feisty politician will reportedly chair a meeting in Mumbai where he will take a tough decision on the import. Since Thackeray made it easier for the central government in dealing with the Pakistani artistes’ row, the cabinet ministers may not perhaps attend the crucial meeting.

The government is quite confident that the MNS chief will resolve this issue too and that they will know of his final decision later through his press conference.

Explaining Thackeray’s keenness in onions, one MNS leader said, “The issue of onions is an emotive one. How can we eat onions imported from enemy countries? In a way, it will mean the enemy made us weep as we peeled their onions. We can never have the enemy gain such a psychological edge.”

If the onion decision too bears fruits, the MNS may seriously consider floating a Foreign Affairs department which will help the Indian government take decisions on outstanding issues like trade deficit with China, track two diplomacy with Pakistan, Iran gas pipeline deal, foreign-exchange reserves, etc.

The Congress took this opportunity to mock the central government over its inability to take tough decisions on foreign affairs.

A Congress spokesperson told The Unreal Times, “Prime Minister Narendra Modi is wasting a lot of tax payers’ money by travelling the world to strike international deals. All he should do is meet Raj Thackeray often instead of meeting world leaders like Obama or Putin. This is the first time that we have found the answers to our external problems inside the country itself.”

Meanwhile Ae Dil Hai Mushkil director Karan Johar was seen doing the rounds of Thackeray again. This time the filmmaker wanted to know which are the right brands of firecrackers to buy for Diwali . He was reportedly heard joking, “You know I am making sure I get this one right. Otherwise, Yeh Diwali hai mushkil.”

Will build a wall around Congress leaders to stop them from joining BJP: Rahul Gandhi

Following the defection of senior Congress leader Rita Bahuguna Joshi, the party vice president Rahul Gandhi has decided to build a wall around the senior party leaders till the UP elections early next year.

The key Congress leaders of the state will be basically confined to four walls of a room in an undisclosed location. They will be devoid of all communications except a hotline with the party headquarters.

Rahul hopes this move will prevent the ongoing defection of the party leaders that included the likes of Himanta Biswa Sarma and Vijay Bahuguna to the rival Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) camp. According to sources, he also plans to visit the secret room from time to time to have lunch with those leaders like he does with voters during the election campaign.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” a Congress worker told The Unreal Times on the condition of anonymity. “This is a proactive measure to stop the leakage of talent from Congress. You see this move should once and for all end the debate on Rahul ji’s leadership.”

The Congress is quite relaxed about leaders using mobile phones from within the room to communicate with the outside world. They’re confident about the poor network connectivity of mobile phones in the remote areas of the state.

“This is the only occasion when we want to thank the Samajwadi Party for the lack of development in the state,” added the Congress worker sarcastically.

The BJP however is not really worried by the Congress’ stealthy move. The party president Amit Shah told The Unreal Times that the Congress leaders interested in joining the BJP need not worry as he can locate them successfully.

“I don’t know where you’re. But I will find you and I will induct you in the BJP,” Shah said as he turned the GPS on in his mobile phone.

Arnab’s security guards take down noisy panellist on The Newshour

Arnab Goswami’s security personnel made an explosive start to their duty to protect the popular journalist as they took down one of the ‘The Newshour’ panellists, fearing a provocation from the loud participant.

A part of the Y category security cover to the journalist, the guard who leaped on the panellist was on the alert mode from the start of the prime-time show. Hiding right behind Arnab, the guard anticipated something would happen when the noisy panellist started yelling at the host.

“Mr. Kulkarni, please don’t yell at me! I can hear you…you’re sitting right next to me,” Arnab tried to pacify the panellist.

That was the first warning sign for Arnab’s personal security guard.

“Mr. Kulkarni, please don’t shout. I said, I am coming to you…”

“No, I am coming to you!” the security personnel behind Arnab cut him short before pouncing on the panellist.

As the noisy panellist was taken down by the feisty bodyguard, Arnab admonished him, “Please don’t behave this way with my guests. If you have a point to make, please get miked up.”

The security personnel didn’t stop there. There was another errant participant who tried to bully Arnab during the show using provocative language.

The Newshour host rebuked the panellist, asking him not to misbehave. But the participant wouldn’t budge.

“Remove the mike and leave the show now!” Arnab, losing his temper, finally told the participant.

Sensing that the multiple reprimands didn’t work on the panellist, the guard again swung into action, this time scooping the participant in his arms and escorting him out of the show.

Following the anchor like a shadow, 24×7, the security personnel have been on their toes from day one of their duty.

One day, hearing a lot of yelling from Arnab’s changing room, one of the personnel barged in, breaking the door.

Arnab, the lone person in the room, threw his hands up, “Hey dude, relax! I am just practising my lines for tonight’s show.”

It’s been observed that many panellists now prefer to attend Arnab’s show via video conferencing from their homes than visiting the studio as they fear they might be subjected to not just verbal assaults from the anchor, but also physical attacks by his guards in case they slip up.