Arnab quits: Incredible smoke seen outside NDTV office, bursting of firecrackers suspected

An incredible smoke haze was seen by observers over the NDTV office on Tuesday which they claimed to be because of firecrackers.

One onlooker claimed he also heard loud firecrackers-like noise near the NDTV office area followed by fumes curling up to form a V-sign.

Experts say it will be difficult to ascertain what was the source of the emission. A leading pollution expert opined, “These days such peculiar fumes can be due to firecrackers during the Diwali season or because of pure human emotions giving rise to intense celebrations, revelry, etc.”

This incident, according to the onlooker, happened on Tuesday evening, minutes after the news of journalist Arnab Goswami quitting Times Now started surfacing.

The UnReal Times could not verify whether the two events were correlated as the onlooker tried to imply.

A few onlookers however insisted the fumes could be a smokescreen to hide some kind of celebrations inside the office. The UnReal Times could not even verify whether there was pun intended in this claim.

Similar incidents of smoke over other media houses were reported too.

Outside the CNN IBN office, one could see similar fumes rising, triggering alarm bells among onlookers. Again, firecrackers could have been behind the smoke, according to the observers.

Outside the India Today office, not only was smoke seen rising in the air but a grey-haired man was seen enthusiastically distributing sweets among strangers.

When asked, what was he celebrating the man replied, “Should we celebrate Diwali only during Diwali? Why not a day later? Does that mean we have become anti-national?”

When asked if the celebration had anything to do with the Arnab Goswami resignation, the man replied with a grin, “Shubhratri. Good night!”

Strangely, outside the Times Now office, no smoke was detected.

Regular Pakistani panellist on The Newshour gives in, starts backing India

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Arnab looking shocked as the Pakistani guest agreed to whatever he said on the show.

“If you can’t beat them, join them.” A retired Pakistani army officer, Nadir Khan learnt this philosophy after many of his unsuccessful appearances on Times Now’s prime time show The Newshour.

Khan, a regular panellist on the Arnab Goswami-hosted fiery show was earlier a staunch patriot who boasted of fighting two wars against India in his military career. But facing Arnab’s unstoppable verbal tirades, he would get astonished. “Which machine gun is this? It just doesn’t stop,” he would ask himself in astonishment after the show.

Despite repeated pleas by fellow countrymen to not to appear on the show, Khan would not budge and would take a vow to teach a lesson to the ‘loudmouth, arrogant’ anchor.

Khan was allowed to speak just one sentence in his first appearance, and that too was cut short by Arnab who flung a set of five ‘tough’ questions to the army man.

During the subsequent shows, Khan got the opportunity to complete his sentences but his machine gun-like provocations were countered by angry, pointed missile-like rejoinders of Maroof Raza.

In one of the shows, unable to handle General GD Bakshi’s unyielding yelling, Khan decided it was wise to drop the weapons and leave the show.

The trend continued and the panellist could not go beyond “listen to me, Arnab” which would always get cut short by “no, you listen to me, Mr. Khan!”.

Khan would often rehearse his lines hours before the show but could never deliver them when it mattered. His confidence started to crumble and he started to question himself.

Gradually, Khan went into depression and started to believe there is no weapon invented yet to take on the might of the one-man army that hosts The Newshour.

Doctors say he now suffers from Stockholm syndrome-like symptoms as he has now started to lean towards India. In one of the shows he agreed and nodded to all the points made by Arnab, even on Kashmir. “Whatever you think is right,” Khan replied to almost all questions with a sad smile on that show.

The news channel is now mulling not to invite the Pakistani panellist as he has started to sound more Indian than the Indian panellists which they fear would lower the TRPs of the show.

Man learns to become a tyrant boss after watching Arnab vs Ashutosh fight

A diffident boss of an IT company successfully managed to become a tyrant manager after being inspired by the Arnab vs Ashutosh no-holds-barred fight on national television on Wednesday.

Rajesh, an employee of a multi-national software company, was till now frustrated that none of his subordinated cared two hoots for him and his presence in office.

“No one took me seriously so far. But after watching Arnab vs Ashutosh fight, I now know how to deal with the duds that are a part of my team,” Rajesh told his wife emphatically.

When asked by his wife how exactly he will tackle the difficult employees working under him, he snapped at her, “Who the hell are you to talk to me like this!”

“Don’t worry darling, that’s the start-line I have practiced with which I will begin a conversation in office,” Rajesh continued with a grin. “How’s that? Did you like it?”

When his wife tried to move on to some other conversation, Rajesh snapped at her again, “Shut up! Answer my question first. Don’t run away.”

Shocked by husband’s newly-found ‘voice’, she decided it was wise not to respond to a man inspired by the most stirring TV debate ever.

It remains to be seen whether Rajesh could become an aggressive boss but it is quite clear that he is now the second man in the country not scared of his wife.

(Amrut Thobbi is an editor by profession, satirist by heart and useless as a person. You can follow him at @amrutti on Twitter or Amrut Thobbi on Facebook)